This is hard to talk about because it is still a big issue in my life. My sister got pregnant when she was fifteen she had been dating the guy since she was twelve. He was about eight years older than her. Well they got married when she was sixteen.
On her eighteenth birthday we were living with my mom’s husband. As usual my mom had planned a birthday party for my sister. Everyone left the house early to go to the park to set things up. I wasn’t feeling well and being the middle of summer I was hot so I went in the living room and laid down on the couch. I thought I was home alone, until I heard someone walking quietly through the kitchen. My sister’s room was the only room at the back of the house. Not feeling well I just lay there, trying to fall back to sleep. I opened my eyes a little bit to see my brother in law standing in the door way. He was just kind of staring at me. Ok this part is hard because I have never said this, not to my mom, the social workers, or even Mike. He walked over to me and he brushed his hand across my butt, I was wearing sleeping shorts that were very small and a little bit of my butt was showing. He touched me skin to skin. I thought I was going to be sick. I didn’t move I didn’t know what to do.
He quickly went back to his room and as soon as he did I ran into my mom’s bedroom. I lay in her bed covered up with as many blankets as I could find. He came in the bedroom and I still pretended to be asleep. He just looked in and walked away. What seemed like forever passed and my mom’s husband came home. He must have looked for me and when he couldn’t find me he came in his bedroom. He asked me what was wrong I sat up in the bed and I almost blurted out “Kevin touched me” but before the words could come out I seen the shotgun out of the corner of my eye and I thought of the two beautiful kids who were I’m sure playing having so much fun at the park. I couldn’t say it the words got stuck in my throat. I said nothing I just don’t feel good. I asked if I could stay home and he said yes. He took my brother in law with him when he left.
Nothing happened again, for a long time. My mom left her husband and we moved away. After a while of staying with a friend of hers my sister got a place and we moved in with her. My sister had a small place only three bedrooms so I usually shared a room with my niece. One night I woke up and there was my brother in law. He was standing there staring at me. He tried to pull at my blankets, I’m not sure if he heard a noise or what but he left. After that night I began to roll myself up in my blankets so tight I could barely move.
I couldn’t tell you how many times after that he came in my room and stand there and stare and me. Every time he would try to pull back my blankets and every time he couldn’t. I became very good at rolling myself up. Have you ever woken up to have someone standing over your bed watching you? It’s an invasion of your privacy. It makes you feel unsafe and violated.
A few years passed and I moved out when I turned sixteen, I met this guy his Aunt was that very nice lady who gave us a place to stay when we had nowhere to go. I told my mom I wanted to move back in with that nice lady because my friends went to that school. I told her whatever I thought would make her let me go. Well that lady couldn’t let me stay with her but her sister said I could stay with her as long as I did shores and kept my grades up. I said ok within two weeks I was dating her grandson. His grandma found out we were having sex so she said I had to move back home. I got scared I knew it was only a matter of time before he would try to do more things and eventually he would get those blankets off of me.
My boyfriend and his grandma left to run errands they were supposed to be gone for at least 2 hours. I had recently had surgery and I still had pain pills. I took all the pain pills I had left. I was lying in our bed hoping something would happen. They came home early he came up stairs and started yelling at me. Asked me what I did and why. I begged him not to tell his grandma. He didn’t tell her but he made me go in the bathroom and vomit. He stayed awake with me all night. The next day we stayed home from school and I told him everything I told him I couldn’t go back there and I would do whatever I have to do to make it not happen.
The next day my mom came over and said I had to go home. My boyfriend begged his grandma but she would’t listen. The day my mom’s boyfriend came to pick me up I was crying and my boyfriend looked at me and said “I swear if you don’t tell him I will” I began to beg him not to and my mom’s boyfriend stopped the truck and said “one of you had better tell me something now” I told him I would only tell my mom. He took me back to the wicked old witch’s house and I waited for him to get my mom. We drove down the road to a private beach, I told her what happened and she said I had to tell my sister. We went home and got her and I told her. She, my mom and I cried and my mom called her friend who was a social worker. We went straight to her office and I told her what happened. She talked to a co-worker and I had to tell them too. After telling more people than I ever wanted to, they told me that because he didn’t “touch” me they couldn’t do anything. They brought my niece and nephew in and questioned them.
Life went on like normal, my sister is still married to him and they have had 5 more kids since this all came out. About three years ago my sister cheated on her husband and her daughter just happened to witness it. Of course she hated her mom and didn’t want anything to do with her. She moved away with her dad and her brother. One day my sister gets a call from the school in Missouri and my niece is in the office. She told her teacher that her dad came in her room and tried to pull back her blankets.
My sister drove all the way there before school let out. She got my niece from school; the cops were there and had talked to my niece. Want to guess what they told her? Because he hadn’t touched her they couldn’t do anything. They wouldn’t let my sister take my nephew because they said he was old enough to make his own choice and they weren’t charging the piece of shit for anything. Apparently attempted child molestation and rape are not crimes in the ole U.S.A.
My niece had the courage to tell the first time and she didn’t just lay there and let it happen she jumped up and said “daddy what are you doing?” Guess what the piece of shit told her? “You looked so much like your mom laying there.”
For that moment alone I wish so badly I had lied, I would have sworn under oath that he did all sorts of horrible things to me. I wish I had told my mom’s husband the first time instead of worrying about that shot gun sitting only a few feet away. I wish I had told my own dad. The things I would have said the lies I would have told. If only I could have spared my niece from the one moment. I hate myself for letting her get hurt, for letting her know such betrayal. I should have protected her from him. It was in my power and I allowed him to hurt her.
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